Gary North

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him (Gen. 2:18-20).

First, men work. Then they get married. These days, so do most Western women.

A lot of couples get married with a lot of debt. The average college graduate owes $20,000 on the day of graduation. Two graduates are $40,000 in debt. These couples will be in debt for the rest of their lives. This is a curse. Successful labor is supposed to prepare us for marriage. Instead, debt does. Modern couples have things backward.

God announced that Adam needed a helper fit for him. This is what the King James English means: help meet. Immediately after announcing that this is what Adam needed, God gave Adam a second assignment. Not only was Adam to dress and keep the garden, he had to name the animals of the garden.

God brought the animals to Adam for him to name. This was a huge task. We are not told how long it took. There are a lot of animals in a garden, especially if we consider insects. Adam was not simply to name them to make them pass. He was not to name one animal Joe and another animal Fred. By naming something, Adam was defining it. He was assessing its role. In other words, he was classifying the animals.

The animals came in male-female pairs. In contrast, there was no woman for Adam. Adam was reminded, species by species, that he was alone. Each of the animals was a functioning male-female unit. Mankind was not. God used this exercise to teach Adam about the need for a male-female unit. This task was not peripheral to his life. It was part of a training program that would help him in leading a family.

First, God said that Adam needed a helper. Second, God assigned Adam the task of naming the animals. Third, God again announced that Adam was in need of a helper. There was a sequence to this revelation.

Not until Adam had completed the task of naming the animals did God provide a helper for him. This means that Adam's work came before Adam's wife. The implications of this position are crucial for a proper understanding of mankind.

Even before Adam was created, God announced that male and female human beings would serve as his agents in history. They would serve as stewards of his property. They would exercise dominion over the entire earth (Gen. 1:26-28). This was a family project. But, in the sequence of establishing man's dominion, God did not initially give Adam a wife. The other creatures did have male-female pairs. The human race did not. There was no functioning division of labor for Adam in naming the animals. He had to do it by himself. He had no assistant. He saw that the animals were functioning male-female units, but the human race was not.

THE HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD

There has to be a head of the household. This person represents the family and its members before God. He represents God to members of his family.

Adam was the head of the initial household, which is obvious when we consider that there was no other member of the household. Adam completed the initial task, which was an aspect of dressing and guarding the garden. He had his work cut out for him.

Adam knew from the beginning that the human race was different from the other animals. He completed his initial task by himself. The other animals were pairs from the beginning. He was going to be in a position of leadership in the family. His wife would be given to him in terms of his need for an assistant. He would be primary; she would be secondary. She would be functionally subordinate to him. This did not mean that she would be ethically inferior.

Paul says that Eve sinned through ignorance, while Adam sinned knowingly. "For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression" (I Tim. 2:13-14). This was a fundamental sexual distinction in the Fall of mankind.

Eve was given to Adam as an assistant. She was part of the dominion process, but she was a subordinate part. Adam was primary, because Adam had primary responsibility before God. God spoke to Adam. He did not speak to Eve until after the Fall. Adam had already completed work before he was given a wife. The wife was to serve him; he was not to serve the wife.

When we recognize that the purpose of marriage is to extend the kingdom of God in history, we begin to understand the primary meaning of marriage. It was not simply procreation. The animals procreated; Adam named the animals before he was given a wife. The human race was different from the animals.

There is a hierarchy of decision-making in the human race that does not exist or comparable degree among the animals. There is a division of labor among the animals, but the idea of a masculine- dominated division of labor, in which the wife supports the man and makes his work more efficient, is not universal among animals.

Even when the wife is the primary wage-earner, she remains functionally subordinate to her husband. He holds this office by judicial grant from God. He does not hold on the basis of the amount of money he earns in relation to the amount of money she earns. He is the head of the household by God's decree, not by his earning power.

In most situations, the husband is the primary wage-earner. He earns more money than his wife does, and he is in the labor force for more years than his wife is. The wife must take time out to spend with the children. The husband, by the original task given to him, must concentrate on his work.

When a man marries for reasons other than to get support and assistance from a wife, who will be committed to him and therefore to his work, he disrupts the marital pattern which began in Eden. Adam had to work in order to be ready for a wife. His wife was given to him only after he had completed his initial task. He had received his assignment from God. He was to dress and keep the garden. Then he had been given a secondary task: to classify the animals. He knew what he was supposed to do before he was given a wife who would help him achieve his goals. Her goals would be subordinate to his goals.

Eve had no say in the matter, because she was created specifically to serv her husband. But women in general are to follow her pattern. They must see their marital tasks as assisting their husbands.

SETTING UP A BUDGET

In financial matters, the wife must subordinate herself to her husband's calling before God. I shall discuss the calling, as distinguished from the job, in later lessons. I define the calling as "the most important thing that a man can do in which he would be most difficult to replace." His job is how he puts food on the table. Sometimes these are the same, but often they are not.

The husband and the wife must work out the allocation of household tasks. This involves the allocation of time and money. The husband must have some idea of what it costs the wife to perform her tasks effectively. The wife must understand where the money is coming from.

In some cases, the husband may delegate to the wife the allocation of the monthly budget, but he is officially in charge. By delegating the allocation task to his wife, he does not transfer responsibility over the household budget. He merely gains the assistance of someone who is better able to allocate the money that comes into the household. He must have the final say in deciding where the money goes. He has the right to veto the wife's decision in a case where he does not think that the money should be allocated to a particular category in the household budget. His wife can make the case that this is where the money should go, but she should not attempt to veto her husband's veto. She has got to stay within the categories that are husband approves of.

The principle here is the principle we find in the vow. In Numbers 30, we find the rules governing personal vows to God. A woman must have her vow approved by the head of the household. This may be her father, or it may be her husband.

If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father's house in her youth; And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand. But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the LORD shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her. And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; And her husband heard it , and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it : then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it ; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her (Num. 30:3-8).

Her vow does not become binding until after the head of the household has approved of it. She does not have independent authority to make a vow to God. This is because the fulfillment of her vow may affect her ability to serve in the household. Service in the household is more important to God than a vow from a woman.

The same principle governs the establishing of a household budget. The wife should assist the husband in setting up the budget, but the husband has the final say. This is true even if the wife earns all the household income. This could be the situation if demand suffers from some illness or has experienced a curdling injury.

Paul wrote that a man who does not support his family is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). So, we are not talking about a bum; we are talking about a man who has been incapacitated. But, no matter what where the money comes from, the head of the household has the final say as to where it is allocated. In most cases, this will be the husband. Only in the case of widows do we have the right of women to allocate the household budget. Similarly, widows had the right to make a vow to God without getting approval from a man. "But every vow of a widow, and of her that is divorced, wherewith they have bound their souls, shall stand against her" (Num. 30:9).

There can be great disagreement over the allocation of household budget. But families that set up household budgets are much more likely to stay together than families that do not. It is one thing to debate the allocation of household budget. It is something completely different to argue over money because, before the end of the month, the money is gone. The debate over spending should begin with the budgeting process. It should not begin at the end of the month, when the money is gone.